So I'm sitting at my desk listening to some Pink Floyd and was just thinking. Its interesting to me that one day you can be in a really good mood...that night have a sleepless night where your mind won't stop thinking and then they next day you are uber fussy and over thinking your life. Last few days I been thinking about my friends lives and then comparing my life to theirs. Yeah I have some different experiences than them and some circumstances that are more out of the ordinary. I have friends getting married left and right. That's crazy to me because when I was in High School I thought I would be someone who would marry pretty young. Only to find out its really not that easy. Its amazing what things really aren't that easy as you grow up. I thought I'd have no problem picking a career and getting through school to get it. Yet here I am still in school trying to obtain that dream career. I even tried to sell myself short and take a lesser job of the dream but somethings happened and I ended back up in the start as if it didn't happen other than the scars that came with it. People tell me things happen for a reason and I'll understand later or I just need to be patient...well I'm ready to know the reason I think. I know somethings are out of my control and I'm not really being proactive in others but seriously...wtf?! I'm not really looking for that wife right now because I don't think I'm ready. In fact I know I'm not ready to make that commitment to someone cause thats freaking huge. I look at these people getting married so quickly and I'm happy for them and a little envious that they can make it happen so easily and quickly. I really want my marriage to be a strong relationship of love and friendship. Love is such an interesting thing cause you can love someone but no you could never live with that person. I guess I'm waiting for that no doubt love situation where they feel the same for me. Careers are just intense. I have always wanted a career where my objective every day is to help people and I have leaned toward law enforcement. Most people kinda shiver when they hear that for whatever reason but really I think it takes a certain person to be able to do that job and do it well...i want to be that person. I'm also learning more about the real world. The real world isn't all about doing the right thing and going after those not doing the right thing. I have this coworker that in my opinion is one of the most dishonest people I have ever met but he still comes to work every day even though the upper management doesn't trust him either! They just kinda look away from what he is doing and hope it works itself out. What would Captain America do? Its amazing to me how grown up I thought I was once I graduated high school and now I realize I'm still a kid and pretty naive when it comes to things. I know a fair amount more than others but not enough sometimes it seems. A friend of mine is going through his second divorce and he has kids with both spouses and I couldn't imagine being in his situation and feeling what he feels. He is very upet and troubled by the situation. I try to offer words of comfort and advice but who I am someone who doesn't have any kids or a wife. Who I'm I to offer him advise but yet he comes to me?! Basically this blog feels like I'm just whining but it kinda feels nice...so deal with it or stop reading. I think about the quote, "What you do in life, echoes in eternity" but what have I done in my life that will echo in eternity? I don't know...sometimes I just want the girl of my dreams to come wrap her arms around me and tell me she is all mine. Then I land the dream job. Then live happily ever after. Happily ever after possible really? I like to think it is. Just gotta make it through the mind games of dating, the stress of school to get that piece of paper that says you are qualified for a job you have never done, and the stress of bills to get you there. Well there ya have it...I should get back to work.
"We create the world in which we live; if that world becomes unfit for human life, it is because we tire of our responsibility"
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